Adulthood

Bipolars

2008-07-23T01:51:00.000-07:00

I've been sentimental for the past two days. It especially tickled me when I looked through the gathering pictures in one of my classmates Facebook. I've once again succumbed to the glum feeling again, which reminisced me about the not-so-pleasure past. Rationally, I KNOW I shouldn't have think that way. But by and large, this is what we called HUMANS anyways. Mammals with inexplicable feelings and emotion.

Scenes which I've been left out all the time floated. The time where I hardly found my own value and dignity appeared in my mind. Following that, FEAR came. Fearing that I'll be plunge into the same situation; fearing eventually I'll be a forgotten person; fearing that I'll have to go through that hideous moment again.

Nevertheless, with ALL I've gone through all the while, it does make me a stronger person. The negative feelings will not dwell within me. It will just whizzed. Life have to move on afterall.

2008-07-20T18:09:00.000-07:00

Hello Panda Collection

Strawberry Flavour ??Collection

Open your eyes wide, these are also from Meiji. Chocolate with Green Tea Flavour, Vanilla Flavour, and Wine Flavour I guess?!

Dubbed as being the chocolate and liquor paradise, the above picture was taken in a duty free shop in Labuan. The unique status of the island has prompt the shop to be a prominent feature there. Just if the administration side had an incredible foresight and openness, I would have help them to promote. =/

Hey there Tong Xiang de...this is especially for your eye-feasting. (wondering if the food still considered as your favourite?!) I had wanted to shot the Ferrero Rocher pagoda, but was foiled to that after taking pics of these Meiji. Hope you like it.=)

Sequel~~

2008-07-20T18:07:00.000-07:00

I never ever think that studying overseas will be a monumental task, even with the prelude part. I’m proven wrong. This morning, I called the visa application centre to check if my visa has been approved, and the answer was: THEY DID NOT HAVE THE PREROGRATIVE TO TELL. The answer I desperately need to know will ONLY be revealed upon collection. Walah…there’s it. Much more frustrating, the internet hasn’t resumed yet.

There’s much more of depressing things going on besides the sloppy service of Streamyx. One thing I’m dubious about myself is how far my English has fared. The other day, Koko (my big brother) said that I’m using better wordings than his when he chatted with me online, but it appears that I’m still grappling with my vocabulary. The new wordings hardly pinned on my head, which I haven’t found a decent explanation and solution for it. I’m fret and apprehensive.

However, there was still the hilarious part in life which served as a condiment. Last Saturday, I went to a dinner where it was to celebrate the birthday of a centenarian. It was cute from how people had acted. I was referring mainly to my third aunty, whom really had amused me that night. The ‘zhong yi’ had earlier warned her about her diets, where prawns, crabs, squids (those with high cholesterol) were restricted. That night, prawns were in the inclusion of appetizer. Erm...I can’t say the advice was fallen on a deaf ear, because my cute aunty reacted by chanting the advice while eating. Then after the prawns had reached her stomach to be digested, she was some sort of conciliating and justifying her act by mustering:” I rarely ate this; it’s so OK once in a while.” This wasn’t the end of it. She is so pure and straight to her words which are always the point of laughter. Recalling that night, I’m chuckling now. =)

Second thing which was worth to mention that night—the dishes served. I was agape when the ‘yu piao’ was served on the desk. Moreover, unlike the conventional Malaysian Chinese dinner, they served steamed fish. (Usually they served Assam fish or fried fish to conceal the smell of stale). As for dessert, red bean soup was served instead of that gravy sago. Fruits were given as well, in an impressive way, where the plate was studded with local fruits comprising of mangoes, honey-dew, papaya, and watermelon. Attention please, the fruits were M in size rather than an XS one.

After the dessert section, of course it was time to go. =)

Walking the Visa Way

2008-07-20T18:05:00.000-07:00

Time just flees unconscientiously. It’s Friday again, 2 days after I went back from my adventurous KL trip. I barely describe a trip as adventurous, especially to a place where I’ve been several times. But I guess sometime a meaningful trip just depends on the purpose of your trip and who is your companion. In this case, Daddy was mine.

So allow me to elaborate a little bit here. I went there mainly for the submission of visa application and it appeared to be a fussy one. Firstly, the security was relentless and ONLY the applicant was allowed to go into the visa office which meant Dad was banned outside instead of assisting me in the process. Nevertheless, the appointed officer was a cute one. Cute enough I would say. Then after completed the submission procedure, we went to acquire the certificate of Good of Conduct. This was the beginning of the adventure compounded with challenge. The application form needed the declaration of people with certain specific criteria to be completed. The first one, a commissioner of oath. It still appeared vividly in my mind how Daddy and I walking around the streets in Petaling Jaya looking for a lawyer with the title. Appallingly, we failed in the first mission. Dad then came up with a solution in finding one of his friends working as a civil servant. Mercifully, we got him on time where he asked his phenomenal boss to lend a helping hand. I seldom give credits to others especially in the form of ‘phenomenal’( instead of competent or good) but the boss was incredibly young for his post. Man, he was just 8 years older than me and yet he was holding a magistrate title?! On top of that, he was really good-looking. =)

Eventually, we completed the monumental task and I was totally racked on Monday.(07/07/08) The other adventurous side was on the method of commuting from one place to another. Unlike the last trip in March, we travelled more by public transportation. Literally, LRT and bus. I could say the only method to experience the real culture and tradition of one country is to walk into the life of the grassroots. Along the journey, I’d seen people from all walks of life, There were housewives, students, elderly, Indian, Malays; whatever you can named it. For me, it was a window opening the faces of Malaysia.
There were actually lots more to share. Nonetheless, the poor and deplorable internet service dampened my ‘omph’. They stopped the service in my house area for nearly 2 weeks in the name of interruption yet receiving fees blatantly. What A SHAME!!!!

Bland Day

2008-07-04T20:02:00.000-07:00

I’m SO in the mood of blogging, since yesterday, but walah, besides from the adage “The World is Unfair”, things always run in the indecent timing. The internet connection has failed again. AGAIN!!!!!

I really should resent the telecommunication company for the downright poor service. In Malaysia, I really feel doubt about the fact we can buy ANYTHING with money. We did PAID for it, but WHERE’S the service we deserved????? 5 question marks for it. 13 years ahead in achieving the status of “developed country”? What I foresee now is that I will say “I FEEL SO SORRY” by then.

Asked what have trigger my ‘blogging’ nerves, I would say that the articles which had been posted in NST yesterday. There was a couple of interesting topic or issue they had brought out. One of them: WE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT INTERNET. In some sense, THAT IS SO TRUE. My life indeed has been miserable living without it. One of the factors which prompted me to choose living in the rural instead of the urban was I get to use my OWN computer on my FREE WILL, averting the hassle to squat on the floor and getting severe numbness throughout my lower limbs when I got up.

Secondly, it’s the Tech section where it had published the wonderment of blogging. It is said to improve the language skills, the way of expression and sharing. Yeah, I totally look eye on eye with that. Reasons? I get to know my spelling mistakes by blogging in BlogSpot, not an impeccable but good enough teacher whom will correct me in some ways and listen to me always.

Pros come with cons; good comes with bad; so I’m going to tell what have discouraged me to continue this wonderful thing on a daily basis. Lack of pictures I will say. I can’t stand looking at a blog with myriad of black words without any eye-feasting art to look at. That was really frustrated. Secondly, expression especially in English equalize to painstaking task for me once. I’m too ambitious to show the world my so-called World Class English and walah, I tripped. Fortunately, I got up by myself, which I always do. Erm…maybe I should attributed a part to an adorable friend of mine, whom had given me some good advice and the other, a lifeless commodity in our everyday life, the NST newspaper.

Jumping to other topics which usually catch the attention of most of the gals in my age, the enviable svelte figure most Hollywood celebrity has. I’m not teaching bout diet here, nor sharing my recent decision on changing my eating style, but just to express my envious towards the body of those stars, particularly Eva Longoria from Desperate Housewives. I didn’t realize when it was where I have became the fan of this drama series, but the storyline really capture my heart. I just know that it all started with a word: BOREDOM on a Monday morning. Switching to the body part again, the scene where Gaby Solis (Eva) sleeping with a man just couldn’t wiped off in my mind. Her body even made me horny! And the point is: she is not that tall either!! Impressive. The other series I had discovered out of boredom was House. His sarcastic character gleamed that whole drama.

The conclusion: Bland life isn’t that bad after all.

When perfectionist meets imperfection

2008-06-29T23:17:00.000-07:00

There's a lot for this two days. I couldn't figure out why I'm feeling these, but I just feel glum. First, Daddy threw up yesterday in the middle of the night. I was a bit scared to be frank. Second, I was about to shoot some pics for my fellow friend to look at, but the plan was ruined by my 'perfectionist' mum. She forgot to bring the keys and Wala...yeah....you got it right...WE WERE LOCKED OUTSIDE THE HOUSE!!! It took us almost one and a half hours to cut through the chain. It's really pathetic to look at how hard Daddy, Uncle Abdul( Dad's loyal employee) and the neighbour Uncle Choong worked on it. At that particular time, hatred was smouldering inside me. Undoubtedly, towards mum, coz she's always the one who will treat us ruthlessly by churning out those piercing words at us. And now what, everybody had to tolerate with her. We didn't even put the blame on her. If perfection is loomed inside her and she put that expectation on others, don't she deserve the same for herself? I mean deserve the same suffering we have whenever we screw things up?

Ensuing from that, the maid issue. She is absolutely an elusive geek. She has been putting tantrum on us, and what the hell she thinks she is. I hate to say it, but she is really OVER THE LINE!!!!!!!!!! SHE IS ONLY A MAID!!!!!! I'm not playing discrimination here, but she shows utter disrespect towards her employee. I NEVER ENCOUNTER AN UNSAVOURY PERSON LIKE HER BEFORE!!!!UTTER DISGUST, ABSOLUTE DISGRACE!!!!!! Why, acting noble by oblivious towards me? Thinking that she was some sort of kingdom's Queen's? My goodness!!!Look at her, unpopular, homely...cheeezzzzzzzzz....

Well, my feathers are ruffled and guess it's the time for me to stop.(In order to avoid her issue becoming my physical damage cause). I hope everything will become fine again, everything will go back on their right track...RIGHT TRACK!!!!!God Bless=)

Defence

2008-06-22T21:04:00.000-07:00

They say writing is the best psychotherapy, so that's why I'm writing now. This matter really took a toll on me by distracting my attention almost half of the day. This morning, Mum, you hurled at me because I went out buying a loaf of bread. In your perception, it was equalise to wasting $ and effort(especially after the recent fuel price hike). You thought I'm doing that just because I wished to satisfy my own gastronomic desire. The fact is: I'm doing things rationally.

There are myriad times when you ONLY thought of the 'short term' consequences or results instead of the 'long-term'. I felt unjust. I'm refuting here.

Your Argument: It's a waste of Petrol.
My Explanation: It was the same for those days where you purposely took me out to have breakfast. By abstract calculation, it's even waster in this case.

Your Argument: I did it for my own satisfaction. I like to do things on the basis which cause inconvenience to others.
My explanation: Utter WRONG. I THINK before I ACT. For a loaf of bread, it can sustain me for a week. The price for 13 pieces of bread is RM3.90, so when divided 3.9 from 13, it costs RM 0.30per piece. Usually, it takes 2 piece of them&a cup of coffee to fuel me, which equalise to approximately RM 1.20 per meal. Compared to the outside meal which costs us RM 4.50 per meal, we can actually save up to RM3.3 per meal.

For me, a loaf lasts a week (Precisely 6 days) . So if multiple RM1.20 by 6, it costs me RM 8.40 per week. Compared to the usual 3-days-outside meal, RM 4.50 times 3 plus minimal RM1.50 for other days gives us RM 18 for 6 days. This means we can save to a total of RM9.60. Other than that, the figure tells me that I can eat for another 6 days with the price I pay for the outside meal.

Your waspish remark: You're SO DISAPPOINTED with ME.
My modest remark: You SHOULD calm down and THINK deeper if you should feel that towards me.

Dear Mum, I knew you has been thrifty all the years because you want to save on our education.(From what you said). I'm not practising an extravagant life though.

Just like what Desperate Housewives had said, the world is full of good parents. Dad and Mum, I knew you guys are one of them, and I do feel grateful and appreciate on what I have. But at the same time, PLEASE be vigilant on your demeanor as it WILL ALWAYS affect us. Children are sentimental anyway.

I feel better now. Writing works.

Word For Dad

2008-06-15T22:23:00.000-07:00

They say instinct is spontaneous, and is fleeting. So here I am touching on the subject. Sentiment came timely following yesterday Father's Day.

This morning Dad, I made you three toasts: one with scramble egg, the other two with jam where one of it sandwiched with cheese. I'm not flaunting here but I made it pretty lovely, with a note which said: Thanks for becoming the first man who LOVES me, Love you. I even put the tupperware in a lovely plastic bag with patterned teddy bears on it. You looked so happy, happy till the extend that you kept saying thank you and thank you. You didn't realise that it was not a make up for yesterday, it's not my initial intention.

I asked you yesterday of what kind of Dad you'r intending to become, and what do you think about yourself in the eyes of your children. Your answers was sloppy, sign of you never contemplate in parenting issue. You said you had much ambivalence in educating, and so do I as a daughter. Last night I read an interview on NST Father's Day Special, which had been published several days ago. The interviewee was a fashion designer raising 5 kids. I felt the impact on my inner side when I read the description on how he bonded ties with his children. He rode the bicycle, watched movies and caught up all his family activities despite the hectic business life. Dad, actually I always wonder why I don't have such memories with you whenever I saw the 'Daddies' playing cheerfully with their children around our neighbourhood especially during public hols.

I'm not grudging that I'm bored and you MUST company me besides working hard for the family. I'm not that unreasonable. But in fact, I'm concerned about you. Concerned about what do you really wish to leave for your love ones. There was a share of opinion towards death in NST last Tuesday, and I just read it today, timely. Everybody dies, it's inevitable. But is it over after that? Or you wish to leave something concrete in your love ones mind? The writer wrote: "It's been more than 20 years since my Mum died but I still remember that she loved Audrey Hepburn, spicy food, the Australian Women's Weekly and of course, us. Red lipstick, orchids, perfume and apple pie." Remembrance is the word. Think about when time goes by and everyone is living on their own, do you prefer me or Koko giving you a large sum of money and doesn't visit you that often or we make an effort in gathering the whole family together spending quality time? I always say your balance is wrong, you seems to calculate things in a wrong manner( In my balance equation of course). I just think that sometimes you really need to put some effort in this matter, don't ever regard it as trifle. Remember, your doings will eventually redound on you in the future. One of the characters in my nanny( your side) which I has hatred much is that she always think that she is so pathetic without introspecting what she had done to others.( This is not from Mum, but from my observation when she stayed at aunt's house.) I don't wish that befall you.

Give yourself a respite. Look into your inner you. Sometimes, it's good for letting the clock stops for a moment.

Dad?!

2008-06-15T01:29:00.000-07:00

Oh well, today is Father's Day, the day Ing Ni has finally come back to the rim of Bloggers. I should had been returning earlier, much more earlier tht it should be last week, on the auspicious 'Duan Wu Jie'. But yeah, I'd been defeated by the emotion hormones and laziness, where the former being fluctuating all the time dominating my entire body. One of the reasons of my procrastination is that I do not wish to start up a page in my world with negative emotion again, but well, seems I failed my own mission once more, coz today is not a good day either.

Why? For me, 70% I will say the guilt I felt for my bro. I don't know if I'm regarded as being nosey, but what I'm sure I'm not astute for telling Mum about what had been written in Ko's personal detail at the Internet. I'd made him being scolded by this trifle, My Gosh!!! And till now, I hadn't wished Daddy 'Happy Father's Day' yet, not because I'm shy, just that I'm contemplating the real meaning of today to either him or me.

I've been thinking what kind of dad he is. In the past, I would say that he was impeccable. But living under a roof for months, I realise that he is just a human, and my perspective towards the word 'DAD' has changed. Mainly the role they played. Ask about what unforgettable memories between my dad and me, I can say it loud: NONE. Throughout years, he was so committed in his career till the level where I saw negligence in our family. Of course he would argue that it was for the family. That's the reason why I've always nagged about the error in his balance. But at the same time, he is so loving. I know he loves me much, and I'm grateful about it. He tries to gratify me his children whenever he can, enduring the mistakes they have made. The main point why there's so much ambivalence in me today.

But well, since LOVE can conquer everything, just let this special day be special by all means.=)

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to ALL.

p/s: Will try to update religiously, as one of my friends has said. Will see then.

Speechless

2008-05-21T06:14:00.000-07:00

Alas..despite the long waiting agony, there's still a long way to go. Will it be a smooth one or a winding one, I doubt.

Big Change, Big Move, Big Love

2008-05-17T19:06:00.000-07:00

It's the 7th day after the massive earthquake had struck China which had not occured for nearly 3 decades. The media has been covering an extensively detailed information around the clock- live for 24 hours. It's not because I has stayed for the updated news for the whole day for saying that(24 hours), it's just that my home television has not switched to other channels except for the Phoenix and China official state-run media-CCTV. Thanks to my conservative, dull dad.

Though, out of the blue, I benefited from it. I saw how China government has make a tremendous change of their policy by providing a large extend of openness and transparency which is not precedented before. From this, I see how passionate and loving the beings are, how they value live, and the noble loving of the Chinese towards their citizens. Despite being down-hearted by the scene, I'm truly moved. For that moment, curiosity fraught into me of why the western media coverage doesn't show much of those touching scenes and failed to gain more of my sympathy. I doubt. The next move- I logged into the website of both accredited broadcasting media, CNN and BBC.

First thing I was furious about what had been written in BBC was a reporting stated that: "Everybody just ran - rescuers, army relief teams, medical workers and locals - and people who were in the process of being rescued had to be left behind," he said. This sound so much of negative connotation, with stark derogation. What the hell was he thinking he was talking about. People in the process were abandoned??? I wonder if it's a mere language gap of those westerners are just unduly superficial at looking at an issue. According to Phoenix (a globalise chinese media), the authority ordered the dispatched military rescue teams to move out from the afflicted zone TEMPORARILY in concern with their own safety, and yet, tens of the hundreds members were reluctant to leave but end-up hauled out by others from the affected zone. One of the members regretted, saying woefully that if he had only given a chance to save just ONLY ONE more!!! Is that considered selfish by leaving others behind just for their own safety? Are they?Throughout the whole process, we can see how energised and optimistic the rescue teams are. Even the golden key time to survive had pass earlier, they still chanting to save one live even if there's only a survivor left. They are not calculative on how much energy they had expend, or how much pay they will receive for their work. It's a mere believe in the value of live.

Nonetheless, I still see much complimentary on the reaction of the Chinese government after the national disaster, especially from CNN. That's what I call a media professionalism. Reporting with justice, spreading news righteously. I savour on one of the statement made: The message is compelling: This disaster is terrible but the government is doing everything it can, from China premiere, Wen JiaBao.

Indeed, the change made mainly from its hindsight has gained much more respect from the international community and a formidable position for its rival on China. Bravo for China.

Right: The most phenomenal leader ever!!!!

Personality

2008-05-16T05:35:00.000-07:00

I can't recall the day when I read about the study carried out which said that the e-mail names tells the personality in an oblique way. In fact, we can predict merely to immaculate by looking at the nick names the users have been used. In this case, it goes the same to blogs. By looking at the contents and the layout, sure the mask unveils.

I'm saying this because I had just logged in to two blogs, where one of the bloggers is the one I have always mention, the other? I can just say we barely know each other. I may sound blatant for describing the relationship in that way, but yeah..whatever...I'm sick of those presumptuous MAN who likes to profess how GORGEOUS and AWESOME they are...apparently-they are NOT!!!!

It fraught with liveliness, perky, sunny ambience in the blog of whom has inspired me all the way.( Though we can see much more of sarcasm in it) The other? Solely religion. I start wondering, what does my blog look like for the others? Maybe a trifle? Since it means as a language tool at the first place. Or perhaps something which worth to read on..where I hope I can enlighten somebody who someday encounters the same as me.( It's all about the fiasco anyway- getting into medicine.)

Talking about it, I just received the confirmation letter from UCAS today. I'm not sure if this is the one I had already prayed for since ages, or something that will cheese me off sooner or later. By the way, I still hope to receive the acceptance of becoming a volunteer during the Olympic Games..and hey..the Earthquake should remain as the main issue for today's blog, and yet I end up with PERSONALITY instead? Be aware of the global issue seems encroaching into my daily life. Everything I done seems like it does have a purpose, rather than it's a mere interest or zeal anyway. Does it show that I'm a subdued and apathetic person? I don't know. But things just end up to be a habit- sports for slimming in the initial; watching news for English; and now what? Blog for money? Photoshop for making a bundle?

While I'm still in the confusing with the whole bunch of questions in my head, maybe I shall end up with my creation today- adding some piquancy. Though it's black and white, I'm definitively sure it would be much more appealing than the banal black and white wordings.

p/s: Am I becoming a paranoid before entering the medical school? Oh well..time flees..

Fortune or Misfortune? 2008 China

2008-05-15T05:54:00.000-07:00

2008, a year where most Chinese has anticipated, a year to be deemed as to show the power of China via Olympic Games. While most Chinese are overwhelmed by the event, disasters shattered the heart of all Chinese. From the hazard snow in January, Tibetan issue in March, till the earthquake which struck Si Chuan province on Monday, is 2008 a fortune or a misfortune, still remains unknown.

I should have write this yesterday, but maybe the horrendous images which appeared on the TV shied me away from reminiscing it at the night. The shrieking of people due to the loss of their loved ones embedded in my mind. The grief, the plight, all of that, filmed over me. However, despite all the woe, I saw a dim light in the darkness today on the screen. The rescuers were perky, their spirit was high, giving comfort and conciliation to the victims. I could recall the time where they sang the b'day song to one of the students who trapped under the snab. I still can recall the joy over their face after they had rescue one of those who survive. Positive can still be seen despite the stark life hazard which confront them.

While looking at the news, I start pondering if I'm already a real doc whom is able to save people's life at that time. I looked at the medical team, standing in the front line to save those who in need, I feel meaningful, and moved, deep in my heart. Maybe it sounds absurd, but I do think The Mighty gives me a chance to have a deeper and concrete picture of what a noble doc should do.

Swapping to China, the burgeoning country which gives me a sense of homeland, I do think the ordeals which they have faced are exams which make them grow even stronger than ever. After all this plight, it can be assured that the Chinese will even more unite and forge an unprecedented intimacy. I'm pretty sure my fellows Chinese will pull together to go through the hard time with their innate fortitude. Soldier on, buddies.

I doubt if the continuous events enlighten all the people in the world instead of being only a hit to the people in Republican China; but as for me, it appears to be a novel lessons which inspire me. Maybe I should end up with an unforgettable quote from the China premiere Wen Jia Bao in his visit to the affected area. He said: 只要有一线希望，我们都会尽百万倍的努力。 ( If there's a sign of hope, we'll endeavour in all means.)

Back to my monastic lifestyle

2008-05-12T23:47:00.000-07:00

It's Tuesday, 2 days after my IETLS test; 5 days after a short trip from K.K.. Recalling the day of the test, the whole day appeared to be a quirk of fate. Firstly, I met Ka Mann, a good friend of mine during my days in I.S. To both of our surprise, we took the IELTS test on the same day. The distinct: she showed by her guise but I acted naturally, though I knew it kinda startled me too. I seemed to screwed-up the middle part of parts which gave me a hard time, here I'm referring to the Reading as well as the Speaking. Writing turned out to be the smoothest, followed by listening which in the middle again I slipped a little bit; I had a hard time with the later part in Reading, but managed to sort out on the hardest and missed some checking time on the middle, and as for speaking, the horrifying part of all, drenched me into the ditch at the impromptu part as well. I halted for several seconds, tongue-tied in describing concretely about the recent photograph which I had seen and reason to like it. Again, fate played prank on me. The examiner was MDM Angie Chau, my former IS English Teacher whom had ranked me at a 5.5 band score on speaking just one year then. After the test, I'm not so in the mood. The pouring outside added more to my distress. But Ing Ni is always the one who stand-up quickly after a fall. I recollected the scene during the examination, and Rain's performance in Speed Racer( his demand of English). Yeah, maybe it's true I'll feel down after the result is released, nevertheless, I'll fared more better..We'll see.

This is my new hair style which Mum kept nagging for the entire yesterday morning. She whined about the colour, where she thought 'unhealthy', and reckoned the cutting as 'a primary 3 student hairstyle': an utter obsolete. Well, I don't think it's that bad after all, at least I'm satisfied at that instant when I had finished the other day. Mum kept complaining of the "run-of-the-mill" shape, keep grudging the reason why Maggie(the hairdresser) didn't give me a layer cut on the back. I'm speechless. I didn't ever think of her response would turn out to be like that. Switching to dad, for the first time I saw an 'afresh' look on his face. He gave me credit, which I appreciated so much, so do Brenda. She said that I looked more energetic and lusty comparable to the last one. Actually, deep in my heart, I THINK SO.=) Mainly because it is a new try, for both the colour and the style.

Behind me was my first car, a faded golden My-Vi, where I love so much and much reluctant to let it go. Instead to address it as 'IT', I think it will be more decent to pronounce it as 'HE'. He was the ONLY ONE who BELONGED to me in the past three years, I spent my awesome, frustrating, sad, depressed time with him. He was such a gorgeous company back then. Recollecting, I crashed his body during the first year, the second on the subsequent month, all because of my reckless attitude. The first damage: 15th of October 2005, a month a little more after he had been brought to me, the young and careless master. Since then, he has played his role well. My alternative limbs which brought me to anywhere I wished, and a loyal friend whom I could rely on, cry to. I named him 980, same as the plat number issued to us from the Transportation Department. 980, a much meaningful number to me. =)

The New Leaf

2008-05-02T01:34:00.000-07:00

0621, a historical moment in my life, symbolising a turn around, a fresh start instead of an end to nearly 7 months anguish. I'VE BEEN RECRUITED INTO MEDICAL COURSE BY QUEEN BELFAST NORTHERN IRELAND!!!!!!A remarkable event in my life, signifying a new long path where I have to soldier on no matter what.

Irony, that's what sprung up when I reminiscing the past. Back then, I used to despise on this career, saying that I absolutely won't pick to be a doc. for the rest of my life, yet, I've been suffering for months, which for me decades, to wait for only A seat in the medical field in UK. Not long ago, I'm dubious if I can handle it, confuse bout my real interest, feeling blue bout my future. However, after being 'dumped' by other unis which I had applied, it gave me perseverance in this field, out of the blue. Sometimes, I wonder there's the MIGHTY whom enlightened as well as heightened my confidence and zeal in this field. Needless to say, I trust you, My Lord.

This morning, without wearing my spectacles, I opened the UCAS web. Looking at the obscure screen, I thought I'd failed again when I saw the prefix 'UN'. About to log out, I opened my eyes WIDE enough to check through. To my surprise, it's UNCONDITIONAL rather than UNSUCCESSFUL. I've had enough of that bastard word. My Gosh. I can't hold my feelings, running down the stairs, and told mum. I still remembered joy around her face when I told her. We hugged, she even carried me with her petite body. Wow, that's fabulous. Back then, I can't even thought that our relationship will become such intimate as I kind of hate her during my childhood. For the past few months, dwelling in this small rural area, we befriend, sharing all of our feelings, condemning for the 'Man's Mistake'..etc..I appreciate it, Mum, really. The other day, I just told her that I hope I will be able to give her my admission as a Mother's Day gift, I'm glad I've done it. I'm content with all of this, really, THANK YOU.

On the other side,(despite my happiness on the success entry), I feel I'm undertaking such a huge responsibilities. I can't make it clear to WHO, mum? dad? family? patients? myself? I don't know, doesn't even have a pic in my heart. I think this is the so-called ADULTHOOD? No matter what, I'll keep proceeding, never faltered, to fare better!!!=)

Pursuit of HAPPINESS

2008-04-26T01:03:00.000-07:00

It’s been ages since I last stepped out from the cinema. Yet, I encountered a rousing movie, thanks to the multi fold of TV network nowadays.

It was called “The Pursuit of Happiness”. The entire story was inspired by a true story, recounting a remarkable part of an African American’s man life. The main character, Chris Gardner, was cast by Will Smith. Despite all the obstacles appeared, he managed to beat them bravely.

The story begun with his inept decision in buying a medical device: a bone scanner screening for bone fracture, costing twice as much as an X-ray scanner. The sales went really hard for him, causing him to plunge into mere bankruptcy. He was in debt, for all the living payments (car, rental, electric bill, phone bill, etc). Eventually, his wife couldn't manage to fight for the hard with him and leave. They had a son, whom he insisted to take along with him.

One day, when he was walking on the street, he saw the smiling face of the people. Everyone looks happy. He started pondering the quote, stated in a ceremony of the decoration of independence. The last phrase of the sentence was: pursuing for happiness. He wondered how the man knew human had to PURSUE their HAPPINESS, instead of let it came naturally. He met a man, driving his posh car, looking charm in his suit. He asked him his occupation and the way he had brought it to that stage. The man told him he was a stock broker, and in order to achieve what he had, you need two things. Not university qualification, not family background, but good at treating people and a good skill in math.

So, Chris soldier on, applying for an unpaid salary internship at a company called Dean Whiter. He attended lessons and at the same time buckle to sell his scanner in order to make a living for his son. Though he was underplayed, undervalued in the office, he NEVER faltered. He tried to do his job well, and under harsh circumstances( he had to pick up his son at the daily care centre in addition to visit hospitals to sale the scanner) , he learned how to do things in an amazing fleeting moment. Though he was constantly disappointed by the flow of life, he NEVER released the temper on his son. Rather, Christopher (his son) was the pillar to him. He did everything to provide him the best.

His hard work finally paid off. He got the job, becoming the founder of a broker company, and sold it with a minor stake with a million dollar deal.

The movie impacts me much, especially at this juncture, where I’m apprehensive about my future. There’s incredible awesome scenes and dialogue which really enlighten. The most memorable dialogue was when Chris was playing basketball with Christopher. The father told his son: Don’t ever let others tell you you can’t do something. If you have a dream, protect it. There’s another when they had to spend the night in the toilet at the railway station. Chris tried not to let the external noise waken Christopher, fallen asleep in his lap. It was literally unforgettable by looking at the tears holding back in Chris eyes, the woe was so clear, clear enough to weep.

This movie will become one of my favourite movies doubtlessly. Enlighten, motivate, rousing story is always my affection. It show so much about real life, giving courage for everyone whom encounters odds all along the journey we call life.

Amateur

2008-04-23T06:44:00.000-07:00

Standing on the one of the branches on the mango trees, two birds were peeking. The ground is draped in verdant lawns. I took a deep breathe, savoring the freshness in the air. Amidst the banality, this place is leading me into a monastic lifestyle-- where I have been longing long ago.

I'm referring to the dictionary, the first time ever since I started blogging. Just today, I realise it would be a sheer useless if the theory adopted does not been practised after doing my fifth essay task this afternoon. I referred back to 'Writing Power'--a guide on writing-- and found I've infringed the most basis rules. Through those practice, I found myself an amateur. Major problem? A poor sentence structure. Thanks to my guide, I'm trying hard to fix it, NOW.
Over and above, I had overlooked the importance of punctuations all along. It came to my surprise when I discovered punctuation plays a prominent role in determining the way we perceive the sentence. And yup, I'm now trying to correct my mistake.

Just from the previous moment, I thought that I have mastered the essential skill in English language. Not long after, I discovered that a woeful reality that it was on the contrary. My exam is just around the corner, am I able to score well? It remains unknown. However, I will soldier on and won't be flattered.

Touching into the subject of future education, my last resort--Belfast--still haven't give me a reply yet. But I'm rather optimistic though. It is not my doomsday though, despite my zeal in acquiring the medical knowledge. Daddy advised me to get into IMU, I'm reluctant if asked from my heart. Reasons? Sounds ridiculous--I just simply want to study at somewhere outside Malaysia..ha

Ho..I suppose to talk more on other issues, particularly global issues like food crisis or victory of Hilary Clinton. It's not my interest, just a mere practising on my lousy writing skills. But for tonight, just allow me to keep it for another day.=)

Debauch or stand-up?

2008-04-17T02:04:00.000-07:00

Well, maybe medicine just ain't to be my tea. I've been WITHDRAWN again, this time by Glasgow. While amazed by the immaculate instinct which I have, I notice that the posts on this entire blog are mostly about the failure to get into the field of medicine in UK. I am mentioning UK, coz if it's other places which I applied, excluding those 'high-standards' unis such as NUS or bla bla, I'm pretty sure I'll definately get a seat. Ok, maybe I'm too confident bout myself getting into the field after receiving the ONLY 3 A's in A-level, assuming tht I'm GOOD ENOUGH at tht time, and this 'fiasco' may be a check into my cockiness.

Sound of the twentieth, a title tht would be decent enough to describe my straits at the moment. I'm already 20, two days ago, quoting from mum's saying, the 'UK' stars didn't scintilate above my 20th sky. However, thanks to her for delighting my mood. I asked her this morning if she thought I was destined to be a doctor, she responsed by saying tht if this doctor thing did not work, there will sure be a place for me in somewhere. Everyone is willed, I strongly bound on tht.

After the 'Cardiff' crisis, I felt numb by looking at the 'unsuccessful' wording, mostly coz I think I was immuned and I've learnt tht 'brick walls isn't there to stop us, but to show what we really wants'' by Randy Pausch. I'm thankful for having lovely person by my side like daddy(though I'm flabbergasted by him due to the b'day issue), whom is optimistic enough on the future of his lovely daughter. I'm enlightened of tht, and now are trying hard for my future endeavour. The recent goal: IELTS.=)

Sunny, Raining or LIGHTNING?!

2008-04-09T07:59:00.000-07:00

It's pouring outside again, yeah, again since 3 days ago. Actually I'm not sure if there was rain for the 2 days before, but I'm MENTIONING 3 days ago because the lightning before the rain poured had marred my TV!! Otherwise, I would be spending my night downstair with the last 3 episodes of D.I.E., a recent Hong Kong drama which tells the story of a sophisticated detective, casted by 'double Kwok'.

Why am I blogging now without a specific issue to talk about...it's uncertain for me, but for the viewers, maybe it's palpable- grumbling bout my LOST! Today's Wednesday, the day which my fav. series would be aired by now..CSI..a tool for me to improve my English too.

There are a lot of issue to talk about recently, the first one would be the protesting in the Olympic torch relay. I saw a provoking comment by an EU resident in the Times online-" Please, SCRAP the WHOLE Olympic." What the Fxxx! Without any profound proof on how the Chinese has manhandling the 'poor' Tibetans, how can HE give such a robust opinion?! I don't really know the real situation in Tibet, but as far as I concerned, it's not sheer the Chinese fault in this matter. And what does it have to do with the Westerners? HUMAN RIGHTS? They are encrouching our RIGHTS by interventing to much in our matter. MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS PLEASE!!!!!!

Talking bout OWN BUSINESS, I'm impressed by daddy's optimism in handling a difficult issue. That's not the doomday, that's what he has told me since I failed in the admission to the medicine course in both Edinburgh and Cardiff. Yeah, I burst out when I saw it, the word which I couldn't forget for the rest of my life, appearing on the UCAS track- UNSUCCESSFUL it stated there. Wow! But I claimed to be fortunate enough, for having such a lovely daddy. He made me think that there was no BIG deal in this world. The attitude he had brought out really comforts me. Thanks DADDY. and I'm sure I can conquer everything, as the saying goes: it's not mountain which we conquer, it's ourselves.

Awww....

2008-03-28T06:17:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems like I do blog in a frequent pace nowadays. Reasons? Remain unknown. But from a crude view, most probably due to LONELINESS I think??? Maybe I just need someone to talk to, to share with in this anguish period where I'm actually reluctant to say it out loud to everyone..perhaps...

At first, my intention on subscribing Newscientist was as a resource to improve my English, and since I'm applying for medicine course, I bet it would be a perfect idea. But after sometime, I found it REALLY brainstorming, with umpteen facts and breakthrough in the science field. It's VERY tiring indeed, always reminding me bout the times when I was preparing for A-levels. Besides, it do help me to discover what I like actually. After those obstacles in Biology last year, I still find my interest in it. How fascinating...yet IRONIC, as I'd just been 'DUMPED' not long ago.

It's approaching the end of the month, but I still haven't got any news from the other 3 unis. Actually, I'm a bit non-puzzled by Mom's reaction. She seems so calm and confident that her daughter will definately get the seats. By scientific view, what has driven her to think so? Is there any proof or studies been made? Or just merely her instinct? That remains an enigma though.

Despite all those query that baffled me, there is an article I read yesterday which was quite enlightening yet compelling. I hate to read the history section always, but in this recent issue, it does revealed a story about a formidable doctor. 'She' masqueraded as a boy just to study medicine in Edinburgh. Ha, I felt like taunted. Then for her entire life, she devoted to the medicine field as to fight to better the condition for the troops, but end her life because 'she' had fallen as victim to an epidemic during the 18's. The military sealed her information because they felt they have been tricked. The life story of that caring yet quarrelsome, dainty yet dashing doctor had much more similarities with Eun Chan, the female character in Coffee Prince, which I describe as my 'cure' for my ailing heart previously.

'She' too, pretended to be a boy in order to get the job as she was the breadwinner of her family after the death of her father leaving them in destitute. She worked in a cafe, where eventually fall in love with the manager. After I read the article, I can't stand the temptation of continuing watching it. Yesterday, I watched the scene where the couples play around together. It really was an unforgettable scene watching Eun Chan and Han Kyul dating each other. Unlike conventional Korean drama love story, the way Eun Chan behave is to my liking. She did face the problem with the elders, but by unveiling all her feelings to her love ones, and treating all her difficulties optimistically made her a real admirable character to me. Just as soon as I found out the appropriate way of describing her will I pay my tribute to her in this blog.

But just at the moment, Anyong for blog, and say HI to Chan. Aza FIGHTING!!

Recovering

2008-03-26T06:47:00.000-07:00

Suddenly, I have this sudden feeling to blog after indulging myself in dramas. Perhaps, an excuse for me to heal my soul after being rejected by Edinburgh. The feeling was awful, terribly horrible. For the first time I felt my heart was wringing, I felt abandoned, lost, insecure.

So, I end up watching Korean drama, to ran away, to change my attention on that being 'dumped' feeling. The drama was called The 1st Shop of Coffee Prince, casted by one of my favourite actress Yoon Eun Hye. It works actually, I mean by healing me. It was some sort of romantic comedy type, an ideal type for laughter. But I knew it can't be a 'long-term' solution to my slight. During the process, I do think a lot. Bout who am I actually, bout my future, bout why am I behind all of my friends, which way should I pave. I make up my mind, I knew I won't be insisting on medicine, becoz I hesitant of being suit in that field. I kind of wake up actually, realizing that my ultimate goal is still being a successful entreprenuer. So I made a decisive statement by my own: I'll GO FOR it if I'm unable with my science side. I'll live with my own style till then.

To my surprise, I discover that talking to freinds did help in curing your physocoligal problem, or precisely writing what you feel helps to release the tense in your inner side. I think that's the main reason why I am writing right now, because it HEALS beside indulging myself into the TV world. It's not long ago where I take blogging as a way to improve my English writing, but now, I would take it as a beloved freind, a freind who will be there with me, ALWAYS.

GUTS!!!!

2008-03-15T02:54:00.000-07:00

It was not long ago since my "refurbished" first post entitled GIVE IT A TRY. In that post, it actually showed my feeble side, side where I'm not confident at all, coaxing myself to let myself out of the box.

And by this sudden, I caught the message from the Master of Feng Shui which he was trying to tell. I'M REALLY LACK OF GUTS. To perceive the theory is not an instant task, I made it through the IELTS preparation course which I have subcribed online and MSN's Horoscope description. I was feeling desparate the other day when I found out the reading section is not that easy to score as I thought before. Thing that make me down even more was actually the effort I have put in reading. I thought reading was the core subject in improving every aspect in English, but it came out that it was a sheer wrong. I thought by reading it would improve my speaking skills indirectly as they intermix, but still, I was wrong. Then it come to a conclusion that speaking might not be as difficult as I thought, all I need to do is PRACTICE!! I CAN DO IT! I should have hold the principle IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING and NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE earlier...it actually turns out to be much more easier than doing the IELTS reading...maybe...
But the important thing was, I SHOULDN'T be haunted by the band that Miss Angie gave me during my A-level time..a 5.5 band for it!YUCKS!!!!!!

Another thing is I'm doubtful if I made the right choice to subscibe Astro On Demand..it seems that the films are halting my process..AS IF...but it is worth-watching...just that I'm A LITTLE BIT addicted..haha...MISS Raymond Lam's voice..

Now, everyone seems to make a big fuss about Carbon Emission issue..VERY BIG..and as next month will be an 'Earth' month, in addition to MY 20TH BIRTHDAY, I wonder what I can do for Mother Nature and exploring myself.....

Bill Gates dethroned

2008-03-05T22:55:00.000-08:00

I guess it's an insultment for me to copy the title of 'World's Richest Person' by Forbes on MSN today...as the content I would like to share would appeared to be contradict. Well, according to Forbes, WARREN BUFFETT weared the throne of the' richest' world, due to his surging shares, preceding Gates. When I first saw this, I wondered how will Gates feeled. Will he feel a little bit of uneasy? or his attitude towards this will be just indifference? I don't know. A second later, my eyes riveted on the 'talk back' sesion entitled : Is Warren your investing model. I checked up on the response, quite active, but not overwhelming.

Though, I still find something interesting amid it. There's one who wrote : " The thing is that so many people follow a person instead of learning from them and making their own path.... " This statement is INCREDIBLY TRUE. People tends to imitate the way 'success' people live, dreaming where someday they might become one of them too. But as time goes buy, it just simply prove tht the way will NOT WORK forever. Yeah, I'm talking bout eternity here. Ironically, the post after it was:" Yes. I buy Berkshire Hathaway stock, so I guess I could say I invest like him." Well, it would be a sheer bewilderment if it's written by the same person.Haha.
In fact, it really reveals two exterme perspective in life, and for me, my party will be the first one undoubtly. Stay on your principle, but being dubious occasionally would be fine. I like the phrase :Impossible is NOTHING, and NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!! Recalling wht uncle Sai had thought me before: What you perceived, and you believed, you'll achieved.

I don't know if this is a way to console my self in this long-waiting process, but at least, it does healed me when I think in tht way...

Give it a TRY!!!

2008-03-05T06:04:00.000-08:00

Today isn't a very good day for me. Reasons? Even I myself don't really know.

OK...Let's start from the early morning. Obviously, I didn't sleep well last night, most probably due to the excitement for e-learning. For the very first time, I attended a virtual classroom. Yes, I did pay for the class, which makes me feeling to be a 'real' student. So, it end up I woke up half an hour earlier than usual..6:30am I guess? At first, my mood is still in the excitation state, but it dwindled when I checked for my mail after my bicycle ride. Still..there's NO NEWS from uni...which REALLY got me down. Later, I continued with my reading on one of my 'prodigious' freind. He's 2 years younger than me...but he really amased me with his ability on manouevering English language. It seems like it's his mother tongue. Sometimes, I do wonder why I'm so hooked with his talent especially on language. Maybe just b'coz he's YELLOW as I am but forgetting tht his demand on Chinese maybe is not as good as I am...MAYBE???

Reading his blog conjured up my memories on many things...I too sometimes have the same kind of feeling...as in feeling myself is as tiny as an ant, lost in the middle of the way we called LIFE...bla bla and bla...but today, the thing tht encoded into my mind is not more thn an encounterment between a part-time salesman and him. In his blog, he said tht HE WAS LUCKY ENOUGH to have escape tht WAITING period...which I'm in NOW...though he's refering to SPM..instead of using 'wht the hell' or 'W.I.T.H', I would just like to use my OWN one...diu...

But the thing tht sadden me most is not he had gone through tht particular period, wht I care the most is actually HIS AGE!!He is 2 years younger thn me...but yet he's in the same academic state as me!!!Does it prove tht I'm tht bad? Is it? Being Absurd, I've been sulking all day long.

But perhaps, I wasn't tht bad after all. I saw a qoute on reader digest today, saying tht 'GENIOUS IS IMMEDIATE BUT TALENT TAKES TIME', so it does prove tht I CAN BE A TALENTED PERSON, ain't I? So here I am stepping one foot forward trying to manage my long lefted blog....ya~~JUST TRY....AND we'll see....

I hope to write further but my Korean drama addict is too tempting...haiz...so...CHIAO!!!