When perfectionist meets imperfection

There's a lot for this two days. I couldn't figure out why I'm feeling these, but I just feel glum. First, Daddy threw up yesterday in the middle of the night. I was a bit scared to be frank. Second, I was about to shoot some pics for my fellow friend to look at, but the plan was ruined by my 'perfectionist' mum. She forgot to bring the keys and Wala...yeah....you got it right...WE WERE LOCKED OUTSIDE THE HOUSE!!! It took us almost one and a half hours to cut through the chain. It's really pathetic to look at how hard Daddy, Uncle Abdul( Dad's loyal employee) and the neighbour Uncle Choong worked on it. At that particular time, hatred was smouldering inside me. Undoubtedly, towards mum, coz she's always the one who will treat us ruthlessly by churning out those piercing words at us. And now what, everybody had to tolerate with her. We didn't even put the blame on her. If perfection is loomed inside her and she put that expectation on others, don't she deserve the same for herself? I mean deserve the same suffering we have whenever we screw things up?

Ensuing from that, the maid issue. She is absolutely an elusive geek. She has been putting tantrum on us, and what the hell she thinks she is. I hate to say it, but she is really OVER THE LINE!!!!!!!!!! SHE IS ONLY A MAID!!!!!! I'm not playing discrimination here, but she shows utter disrespect towards her employee. I NEVER ENCOUNTER AN UNSAVOURY PERSON LIKE HER BEFORE!!!!UTTER DISGUST, ABSOLUTE DISGRACE!!!!!! Why, acting noble by oblivious towards me? Thinking that she was some sort of kingdom's Queen's? My goodness!!!Look at her, unpopular, homely...cheeezzzzzzzzz....

Well, my feathers are ruffled and guess it's the time for me to stop.(In order to avoid her issue becoming my physical damage cause). I hope everything will become fine again, everything will go back on their right track...RIGHT TRACK!!!!!God Bless=)

Defence

They say writing is the best psychotherapy, so that's why I'm writing now. This matter really took a toll on me by distracting my attention almost half of the day. This morning, Mum, you hurled at me because I went out buying a loaf of bread. In your perception, it was equalise to wasting $ and effort(especially after the recent fuel price hike). You thought I'm doing that just because I wished to satisfy my own gastronomic desire. The fact is: I'm doing things rationally.

There are myriad times when you ONLY thought of the 'short term' consequences or results instead of the 'long-term'. I felt unjust. I'm refuting here.

Your Argument: It's a waste of Petrol.
My Explanation: It was the same for those days where you purposely took me out to have breakfast. By abstract calculation, it's even waster in this case.

Your Argument: I did it for my own satisfaction. I like to do things on the basis which cause inconvenience to others.
My explanation: Utter WRONG. I THINK before I ACT. For a loaf of bread, it can sustain me for a week. The price for 13 pieces of bread is RM3.90, so when divided 3.9 from 13, it costs RM 0.30per piece. Usually, it takes 2 piece of them&a cup of coffee to fuel me, which equalise to approximately RM 1.20 per meal. Compared to the outside meal which costs us RM 4.50 per meal, we can actually save up to RM3.3 per meal.

For me, a loaf lasts a week (Precisely 6 days) . So if multiple RM1.20 by 6, it costs me RM 8.40 per week. Compared to the usual 3-days-outside meal, RM 4.50 times 3 plus minimal RM1.50 for other days gives us RM 18 for 6 days. This means we can save to a total of RM9.60. Other than that, the figure tells me that I can eat for another 6 days with the price I pay for the outside meal.

Your waspish remark: You're SO DISAPPOINTED with ME.
My modest remark: You SHOULD calm down and THINK deeper if you should feel that towards me.

Dear Mum, I knew you has been thrifty all the years because you want to save on our education.(From what you said). I'm not practising an extravagant life though.

Just like what Desperate Housewives had said, the world is full of good parents. Dad and Mum, I knew you guys are one of them, and I do feel grateful and appreciate on what I have. But at the same time, PLEASE be vigilant on your demeanor as it WILL ALWAYS affect us. Children are sentimental anyway.

I feel better now. Writing works.

Word For Dad

They say instinct is spontaneous, and is fleeting. So here I am touching on the subject. Sentiment came timely following yesterday Father's Day.

This morning Dad, I made you three toasts: one with scramble egg, the other two with jam where one of it sandwiched with cheese. I'm not flaunting here but I made it pretty lovely, with a note which said: Thanks for becoming the first man who LOVES me, Love you. I even put the tupperware in a lovely plastic bag with patterned teddy bears on it. You looked so happy, happy till the extend that you kept saying thank you and thank you. You didn't realise that it was not a make up for yesterday, it's not my initial intention.

I asked you yesterday of what kind of Dad you'r intending to become, and what do you think about yourself in the eyes of your children. Your answers was sloppy, sign of you never contemplate in parenting issue. You said you had much ambivalence in educating, and so do I as a daughter. Last night I read an interview on NST Father's Day Special, which had been published several days ago. The interviewee was a fashion designer raising 5 kids. I felt the impact on my inner side when I read the description on how he bonded ties with his children. He rode the bicycle, watched movies and caught up all his family activities despite the hectic business life. Dad, actually I always wonder why I don't have such memories with you whenever I saw the 'Daddies' playing cheerfully with their children around our neighbourhood especially during public hols.

I'm not grudging that I'm bored and you MUST company me besides working hard for the family. I'm not that unreasonable. But in fact, I'm concerned about you. Concerned about what do you really wish to leave for your love ones. There was a share of opinion towards death in NST last Tuesday, and I just read it today, timely. Everybody dies, it's inevitable. But is it over after that? Or you wish to leave something concrete in your love ones mind? The writer wrote: "It's been more than 20 years since my Mum died but I still remember that she loved Audrey Hepburn, spicy food, the Australian Women's Weekly and of course, us. Red lipstick, orchids, perfume and apple pie." Remembrance is the word. Think about when time goes by and everyone is living on their own, do you prefer me or Koko giving you a large sum of money and doesn't visit you that often or we make an effort in gathering the whole family together spending quality time? I always say your balance is wrong, you seems to calculate things in a wrong manner( In my balance equation of course). I just think that sometimes you really need to put some effort in this matter, don't ever regard it as trifle. Remember, your doings will eventually redound on you in the future. One of the characters in my nanny( your side) which I has hatred much is that she always think that she is so pathetic without introspecting what she had done to others.( This is not from Mum, but from my observation when she stayed at aunt's house.) I don't wish that befall you.

Give yourself a respite. Look into your inner you. Sometimes, it's good for letting the clock stops for a moment.

Dad?!

Oh well, today is Father's Day, the day Ing Ni has finally come back to the rim of Bloggers. I should had been returning earlier, much more earlier tht it should be last week, on the auspicious 'Duan Wu Jie'. But yeah, I'd been defeated by the emotion hormones and laziness, where the former being fluctuating all the time dominating my entire body. One of the reasons of my procrastination is that I do not wish to start up a page in my world with negative emotion again, but well, seems I failed my own mission once more, coz today is not a good day either.

Why? For me, 70% I will say the guilt I felt for my bro. I don't know if I'm regarded as being nosey, but what I'm sure I'm not astute for telling Mum about what had been written in Ko's personal detail at the Internet. I'd made him being scolded by this trifle, My Gosh!!! And till now, I hadn't wished Daddy 'Happy Father's Day' yet, not because I'm shy, just that I'm contemplating the real meaning of today to either him or me.

I've been thinking what kind of dad he is. In the past, I would say that he was impeccable. But living under a roof for months, I realise that he is just a human, and my perspective towards the word 'DAD' has changed. Mainly the role they played. Ask about what unforgettable memories between my dad and me, I can say it loud: NONE. Throughout years, he was so committed in his career till the level where I saw negligence in our family. Of course he would argue that it was for the family. That's the reason why I've always nagged about the error in his balance. But at the same time, he is so loving. I know he loves me much, and I'm grateful about it. He tries to gratify me his children whenever he can, enduring the mistakes they have made. The main point why there's so much ambivalence in me today.

But well, since LOVE can conquer everything, just let this special day be special by all means.=)

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to ALL.

p/s: Will try to update religiously, as one of my friends has said. Will see then.