Word For Dad

They say instinct is spontaneous, and is fleeting. So here I am touching on the subject. Sentiment came timely following yesterday Father's Day.

This morning Dad, I made you three toasts: one with scramble egg, the other two with jam where one of it sandwiched with cheese. I'm not flaunting here but I made it pretty lovely, with a note which said: Thanks for becoming the first man who LOVES me, Love you. I even put the tupperware in a lovely plastic bag with patterned teddy bears on it. You looked so happy, happy till the extend that you kept saying thank you and thank you. You didn't realise that it was not a make up for yesterday, it's not my initial intention.

I asked you yesterday of what kind of Dad you'r intending to become, and what do you think about yourself in the eyes of your children. Your answers was sloppy, sign of you never contemplate in parenting issue. You said you had much ambivalence in educating, and so do I as a daughter. Last night I read an interview on NST Father's Day Special, which had been published several days ago. The interviewee was a fashion designer raising 5 kids. I felt the impact on my inner side when I read the description on how he bonded ties with his children. He rode the bicycle, watched movies and caught up all his family activities despite the hectic business life. Dad, actually I always wonder why I don't have such memories with you whenever I saw the 'Daddies' playing cheerfully with their children around our neighbourhood especially during public hols.

I'm not grudging that I'm bored and you MUST company me besides working hard for the family. I'm not that unreasonable. But in fact, I'm concerned about you. Concerned about what do you really wish to leave for your love ones. There was a share of opinion towards death in NST last Tuesday, and I just read it today, timely. Everybody dies, it's inevitable. But is it over after that? Or you wish to leave something concrete in your love ones mind? The writer wrote: "It's been more than 20 years since my Mum died but I still remember that she loved Audrey Hepburn, spicy food, the Australian Women's Weekly and of course, us. Red lipstick, orchids, perfume and apple pie." Remembrance is the word. Think about when time goes by and everyone is living on their own, do you prefer me or Koko giving you a large sum of money and doesn't visit you that often or we make an effort in gathering the whole family together spending quality time? I always say your balance is wrong, you seems to calculate things in a wrong manner( In my balance equation of course). I just think that sometimes you really need to put some effort in this matter, don't ever regard it as trifle. Remember, your doings will eventually redound on you in the future. One of the characters in my nanny( your side) which I has hatred much is that she always think that she is so pathetic without introspecting what she had done to others.( This is not from Mum, but from my observation when she stayed at aunt's house.) I don't wish that befall you.

Give yourself a respite. Look into your inner you. Sometimes, it's good for letting the clock stops for a moment.